Showing posts with label Judgement. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Judgement. Show all posts

Saturday, 8 November 2014

Self Awareness and Mindfulness


by: John Doidge




Self awareness and mindfulness enable us to be a self dependent and confidently and morally able to control our actions. Together they give us wisdom. Mindfulness training and techniques develop our analytical awareness to complement our subjective self awareness to complete this wisdom.




If we think carefully there are subtle differences between self awareness and mindfulness. Self awareness gives us an understanding of what we are doing, of our strengths and weaknesses, of our likes and dislikes, of our personality, of our emotions. It is subjective. Mindfulness gives us realisation and recall. It is a form of awareness, but is analytical giving us observation without judgement. It is objective.




Our world today is developing rapidly and our minds may be racing to keep up with it. Consequently our self aware thinking is also trying to keep up. We need this, but we also need to be aware of the emotional pressures induced by subjectivity and whether we are equipped to deal with them. We can feel emotions. We know what we are feeling, but, does our self awareness tell us why? If we do not self realise the why, the emotional thinking may inhibit us from action through fear created by over judgement of our feelings. We must avoid letting in any such negative thinking. If we do not control our selves we cannot control our actions that define our destiny.




We need a balance to complete our wisdom. We need a step back, wait a moment, analytical view. The mindfulness concept originates from Buddhism. Whether considered an art or science it gives us a presence in the moment using knowledge from recall and realisation to assess that moment without judgement. Just get the facts!




While the concept is simple, implementing it is challenging and requires self discipline. It requires a focussed attention on the moment you are experiencing without passing judgment based on any subjective thoughts or feelings. Unemotionally observe what is happening both in your mind and externally.




Mindfulness training describes the mind as a machine for judgement. It is our nature that we form instant judgements on situations. It is often said that we assess a new contact within the first few seconds. This is a legacy from our prehistory where constant struggles of life and death resulted in a need for snap fight or flight decisions. Nowadays it is emotion that is more prevalent in forming judgements on experiences, defining them as good or bad. While neutral feelings exist they are not uppermost in our attention as they do not feed the emotions. Mindfulness encourages us to observe all things with the same level of attention but without passing judgement.




This attitude gives us a refreshed clean mind that is rational in its actions as it is uninfluenced by other factors. An example is shown by the following mindfulness exercise: The next time you meet some one you know try to see him or her through fresh eyes. Try to suspend all of your existing knowledge, thoughts and opinions. Try it with family members, close friends and colleagues. Do you see them differently, removing previous possibly inaccurate concepts?




One of the most important benefits of mindfulness in terms of personal contentment and success comes from the realisation that you are thinking something that is unhelpful or unrealistic, something negative. Mindfulness means learning to experience your thoughts without passing judgement with emotion but instead assessing the realism of the experience. Many of the negative thoughts you experience when you are emotionally upset tend to be distorted and unhelpful. So let these thoughts go, identifying them as natural symptoms of a particular emotional state, replacing them with thoughts of just determining the fact. Thoughts and emotions work together. The sooner you come to the point where you can view them objectively the better your personal feelings will become.




Increasing your familiarity with the thoughts that enter your head when you feel depressed will make it easier for you to recognise them as emotions rather than facts. Once you have become familiar with the dark side of emotions you are further equipped to cope, manage and remove negative thoughts in reality.




Source
















Self Awareness and Mindfulness

by: John Doidge


Self awareness and mindfulness enable us to be a self dependent and confidently and morally able to control our actions. Together they give us wisdom. Mindfulness training and techniques develop our analytical awareness to complement our subjective self awareness to complete this wisdom.


If we think carefully there are subtle differences between self awareness and mindfulness. Self awareness gives us an understanding of what we are doing, of our strengths and weaknesses, of our likes and dislikes, of our personality, of our emotions. It is subjective. Mindfulness gives us realisation and recall. It is a form of awareness, but is analytical giving us observation without judgement. It is objective.


Our world today is developing rapidly and our minds may be racing to keep up with it. Consequently our self aware thinking is also trying to keep up. We need this, but we also need to be aware of the emotional pressures induced by subjectivity and whether we are equipped to deal with them. We can feel emotions. We know what we are feeling, but, does our self awareness tell us why? If we do not self realise the why, the emotional thinking may inhibit us from action through fear created by over judgement of our feelings. We must avoid letting in any such negative thinking. If we do not control our selves we cannot control our actions that define our destiny.


We need a balance to complete our wisdom. We need a step back, wait a moment, analytical view. The mindfulness concept originates from Buddhism. Whether considered an art or science it gives us a presence in the moment using knowledge from recall and realisation to assess that moment without judgement. Just get the facts!


While the concept is simple, implementing it is challenging and requires self discipline. It requires a focussed attention on the moment you are experiencing without passing judgment based on any subjective thoughts or feelings. Unemotionally observe what is happening both in your mind and externally.


Mindfulness training describes the mind as a machine for judgement. It is our nature that we form instant judgements on situations. It is often said that we assess a new contact within the first few seconds. This is a legacy from our prehistory where constant struggles of life and death resulted in a need for snap fight or flight decisions. Nowadays it is emotion that is more prevalent in forming judgements on experiences, defining them as good or bad. While neutral feelings exist they are not uppermost in our attention as they do not feed the emotions. Mindfulness encourages us to observe all things with the same level of attention but without passing judgement.


This attitude gives us a refreshed clean mind that is rational in its actions as it is uninfluenced by other factors. An example is shown by the following mindfulness exercise: The next time you meet some one you know try to see him or her through fresh eyes. Try to suspend all of your existing knowledge, thoughts and opinions. Try it with family members, close friends and colleagues. Do you see them differently, removing previous possibly inaccurate concepts?


One of the most important benefits of mindfulness in terms of personal contentment and success comes from the realisation that you are thinking something that is unhelpful or unrealistic, something negative. Mindfulness means learning to experience your thoughts without passing judgement with emotion but instead assessing the realism of the experience. Many of the negative thoughts you experience when you are emotionally upset tend to be distorted and unhelpful. So let these thoughts go, identifying them as natural symptoms of a particular emotional state, replacing them with thoughts of just determining the fact. Thoughts and emotions work together. The sooner you come to the point where you can view them objectively the better your personal feelings will become.


Increasing your familiarity with the thoughts that enter your head when you feel depressed will make it easier for you to recognise them as emotions rather than facts. Once you have become familiar with the dark side of emotions you are further equipped to cope, manage and remove negative thoughts in reality.


Source






Monday, 22 September 2014

An Addiction To Judgement

Addiction to Self-Judgment

by: Margaret Paul, Ph.D.


“I’m such a jerk. How could I have said that?”

“I’m a looser. I’ll never get anywhere.”

“I’m so stupid. I should have learned this by now.”

“I don’t fit in. I don’t belong with these people.”

“I’ll never be good enough. I’ll never do it right enough.”

“I’m permanently emotionally damaged. I’ll never be okay.”

“No one could love me. I’m not lovable.”


…and so on and so on.


Are you aware of your self-judgments? Are you aware of how often you judge yourself as bad, wrong, or inadequate? Are you aware of how you end up feeling as a result of your self-judgments?


In my counseling work with people, I find that self-judgment is one of the major causes of fear, anger, anxiety and depression. Yet most people don’t realize that these painful feelings are the result of their own thoughts, their own self-judgments. Most of the time, when I ask an anxious client why they are feeling anxious, they tell me that it’s because of something that happened to them. They usually believe that an event or a person caused their anxiety. Yet when I ask them what they are thinking that might be causing their anxiety, they will tell me a self-judgment such as, “I’ll never get this right,” or they are projecting their own judgment onto me and telling themselves, “Margaret doesn’t like me,” or “Margaret is getting impatient with me.” When they judge themselves or make up that I’m judging them, they get anxious. There is nothing actually happening that is causing their anxiety, other than their own thoughts.


Pointing out to them that they are causing their anxiety with their self-judgment doesn’t not necessarily stop the judgment. This is because self-judgment is often an addiction. An addiction is a habitual behavior that is intended to protect against pain. What is the pain that self-judgment is intended to protect against?


Generally, the hope of self-judgment is to protect against rejection and failure. The false beliefs are that, “If I judge myself, then others won’t judge me and reject me. I can be safe from others’ judgment by judging myself first,” or “If I judge myself, I can motivate myself to do things right and succeed. Then I will feel safe and be loved and accepted by others.”


However, just as a child does far better in school with encouragement than with criticism, so do we as adults. Criticism tends to scare and immobilize us. Instead of motivating us, it often creates so much anxiety that we get frozen and become unable to take appropriate action for ourselves. More self-judgment follows the lack of action, which results in more anxiety and immobilization, until we create a situation where we are completely stuck and miserable.


The way out of this is to become aware of the feelings of fear, anxiety, anger or depression and then ask yourself, “What did I just tell myself that is creating this feeling?” Once you become aware of the self-judgment, you can then ask yourself, “Am I certain that what I am telling myself is true?” If you are not 100% certain that what you are telling yourself is true, you can ask your higher, wise self or a spiritual source of wisdom, “What is the truth?” If you are really open to learning about the truth, the truth will pop into your mind, and it will be much different than what you have been telling yourself.


For example, “I’m such a jerk. How could I have said that?” becomes “We all mess up at times. It’s okay to make mistakes – it’s part of being human. Making a mistake does not mean that you are a jerk.” When we open to the truth, we will discover a kind and compassionate way of speaking to ourselves, a way that makes us feel loved and safe rather than anxious, angry or depressed.


Addictions are always challenging to resolve, and an addiction to self-judgment is no exception. So be easy on yourself, and don’t judge yourself for judging yourself! It will take time and dedication to become aware of your self-judgments and learn to be kind toward yourself, but the end result is so worth the effort!


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