Enhanced Happiness with Reframing

Reframing with NLP For Enhanced Happiness

by: Adam Eason

I used to work for the Independent National Newspaper in Canary Wharf, London. I can remember in the build up to Christmas, my department was having a large and expensive new computer system installed because the newspaper was being relaunched, it was when Andrew Marr and Rosie Boycott were becoming joint editors, I digress…. The system was being put in just before Christmas, but it was a massive task, with numerous issues & overruns. As Christmas approached, there were still a number of teething problems, which led to stretched relations between the system supplier and the newspaper staff.

At one meeting about the integration of the system, my director had been trying to get more time investment from the installation company, only to be told that their people weren’t going to be available on Christmas day. My director was frustrated and furious, asking “What are you doing that’s more important than sorting out our system!?” Without hesitating, the guy from the installation company said “Delivering Christmas hampers to the elderly.” The impact was immediate; everyone in the room started laughing & my director joined them, realising that he’d perhaps been a bit unreasonable. Everyone knew that the story about the elderly wasn’t true, but that didn’t matter – the statement had changed his perception of the situation, instantly, & he started behaving more reasonably.

Changing the contextual frame:

There was an advertisement for the Guardian newspaper, which showed a set of still photographs arranged in a particular action sequence. The photographs showed a large framed man with very little hair on his head, wearing jeans and boots, running along a pathway with a real purpose.

In the first frame he is running towards an elderly lady; in the second frame, you see him knock her violently into the street; in the third frame you see him make his escape, obviously and seemingly this is another thug terrorising the elderly.

Then, when you turn the page, you are presented with some wider angle shots. In the wide-angle shots, you see the elderly lady casually walking beside a building that has building works being carried out upon it and where a cement mixer is about to topple from a scaffold. An alert pedestrian notices the situation and heroically runs towards the lady, pushing her clear of the building area. A moment later, the cement mixer falls to the ground in the spot where the lady was standing. The initially perceived ‘thug’ has in fact saved her life.

By changing the frame, the creators of the advertisement had changed the context of the man’s actions. Suddenly, what was perceived as typically criminal then became valiant and altruistic. His actions were transformed in a moment as they were reframed. I am sure you know of many other examples of this.

One of the presuppositions of NLP and something that fascinates and tests me, is that every behaviour is useful or valuable in some context. Upon learning and reading about this in the embryonic days of my learning, I did do my best to do the opposite! I wracked my brains for things that I just could not reframe. Of course, I could not do so for long. It’s just a matter of stretching your brain and finding a context that makes it useful; I have not always found this easy. This process is referred to as context reframing.

Every behaviour is useful in the right context:

Now here is a challenge for you. For any behaviour, no matter how frustrating or apparently without use or value, see if you can find a context where it’s useful. Once you find such a context, a subsequent act of presenting the behaviour in the new context is reframing it. If it was originally a behaviour that was treated very seriously or was problematic, you may then also want to think about adding humour or a playfulness in the way it is re-presented;

Firstly, identify a complaint, either about yourself or someone else, a simple structured to begin with, for example; “I’m too [x].” or “She’s too [y].” (Eg. “I’m too impatient”, “He’s too selfish.”, “She’s too messy.”)

Next up, ask yourself “In what contexts would the characteristic being complained about have value and/or usefulness?”

Thirdly, create several answers to this question, and then craft it into a ‘reframe’.

For example:

“I’m too impatient”

Example answer: “I bet you’re quick-thinking in an emergency.”

“She’s too messy”

Example answer “She’d be good to have around if we were trying to make our home look like it had been burgled.” (I don’t like to be too serious!)

“He’s too selfish”

Example answer: “We’ve had so many problems with people not taking care of themselves, it’s often good to make sure you look after yourself to be in a better position to help others .”

Now, I know these are a bit lame with some of my own tongue in cheek-iness added, but they don’t have to be that useful at this stage; it’s more important that you give yourself the freedom to be creative so your brain gets the pattern of what you’re doing. What’s more, when you have to do that and develop better reframes for yourself, your learning is far more comprehensive than if I were to spoon feed you responses to regurgitate.

The next step is to come up with reframes for any complaints that you (or others) have about yourself. This can be a lot of fun if you do it with someone else. (ie. you say “I’m too [x]” then they generate reframes.)

By the way, the example of “I’m too sexy” as in the 90s Pop Band “Right Said Fred” chart topping hit is not really appropriate ;-)

When reframing something someone says, rapport is important (otherwise reframing can seem like a very focused & deliberate attempt to annoy someone.) If you present someone with a reframe, ensure that you have a good level of rapport with them, best start with friends and/or family (assuming that you have rapport with them!)

Fifth, once you get the hang of it, start looking for opportunities to use context reframing each day, starting with the less challenging ones.

In a business context for example, one of the most powerful ways to use reframing is when people have objections (whether you’re selling a product, a service, an idea, or yourself.) reframing is a gentle method of working with someone as opposed to having to sell which many people are uncomfortable with. When you reframe someone’s objection, you can remove or alter its power. I once read the objection “I’m worried – What if I train my staff and then they leave.” The response: “Even worse, what if you don’t train your people and they stay.”

When you discover and create a way to change the context of someone’s objection, it alters the way they perceive it. This has been know to be an extremely effective way to overcome objections entirely.

Finally, for these initial steps of reframing, write a list the objections you get most frequently in business or complaints made in your life and generate a number of context reframes for each one. Then, look forward with a sense of anticipation to the next time someone offers that objection. Please bear in mind that you are opening up options here, not covering things up, if a particular problematic issue is occurring, sometimes it may not be appropriate to just reframe.

Both my Grandparents on my fathers side were 80 two years ago and we had celebratory family gatherings. As I walked into one of the celebrations I asked the standard question “So, what’s it like waking up on your 80th birthday, Grandad?” To which he replied “Better than not waking up on your 80′th birthday”.

Now, I’d like to start playing with ‘content reframing.’ If a footballer kicks the ball into his team’s net, it’s called an “own goal”, but if a soldier accidentally shoots one of his fellow soldiers, it’s called “friendly fire” (Sounds kind of cuddly, doesn’t it? But you would not want any coming your way.) George Orwell’s 1984 had plenty of examples of content reframing (eg. the ministries of peace & truth) that live on today in many forms (a peacekeeper missile, anyone?)

So, content reframing involves changing the meaning of something.

Right, to develop this further, follow this procedure; identify a complaint a complaint or issue with the structure “I feel [X] when [Y] happens.” (Eg. “I feel angry when he does not help” or “I feel frustrated when I make mistakes”)

Next, ask yourself “What else could this (Y) mean?”, “What else could this (X) mean?” or “What else could this situation mean?”, or ask “How can this (X) or (Y) be interpreted?

Then, you can come up with several answers to these, and then create a ‘reframe’.

For example: “I feel upset when I see the mess these kids have made”

Example answer: “It’s good that they can be ‘in the moment’ without worrying about a few things being out of place.”

Alternate example answer: “A little untidiness is a small price to pay for happy children.”

Another example answer: “The fact that it’s messy means they’re expressing their creativity.”

Obviously, if you were to offer these reframes to someone who is annoyed or frustrated, I would suggest that it would be a good idea to get in rapport with them first and of course to select your words carefully.

As with my previous examples, these aren’t the most amazing reframes in the world, but they don’t have to be that useful at this stage; it’s more important that you give yourself the freedom to be creative so your brain gets the pattern of what you’re doing.

Now, you can come up with reframes for any complaints or issues that you can identify for yourself or others. This can be a lot of fun (honestly!) if you take turns doing it with someone else. (ie. you say “I feel [X] when [Y] happens” then they generate reframes.)

Then, once you get the hang of it, start looking for opportunities to use content reframing each day. For spreading good feelings around and helping people to lessen the easy natural way that they can sometimes get “bogged down” in the trivial. Depends on what you consider trivial though, be careful and thoughtful.

Once again, in a business sense, content reframing is also very powerful for dealing with objections of all sorts. For example, a reframe I sometimes use when someone objects to the price of consulting with me (I am sooooo expensive!) is to respond with something along the lines of:

“If you are after a cheap consultant or therapist, then you are right, I am not for you. If however, you want to invest in your future then maybe I am. If your child needed a serious operation, would you look for the cheapest surgeon? Then why look for the cheapest way to make changes in your life that are important enough to seek help with?”

Again, I do have my tongue planted in my cheek as I write that riposte, however, I am sure you see where I am coming from here.

Then finally, list the objections you get most frequently & generate a number of content reframes for each one. Then, look forward with a sense of anticipation to the next time someone offers that objection. Remember to keep rapport with people when doing this! Or in jargon-free speak, relate, empathise, connect, get on with.

Good luck with your reframing and creating more harmony.

Source

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The Magic You Can Perform With Reframing

Reframing for Creatively New Managing Options

L. Michael Hall, Ph.D.

We all frame and we all reframe because this describes how we think, represent information, use language, and create meaning. Initially, we frame because our minds do the work that “minds” do (i.e. process information, reason, draw conclusions, etc.) by using frames-of-reference. Whenever you think, you refer to something and reference other ideas to make sense of it.

Think about anything, and we automatically, quickly, and unthinkingly set it in some frame. By framing, we establish the classes and categories by which we then think. Without such framing, we would not know how to even think about something. We frame by defining, associating, remembering, and using various reference points.

Any manager thinking about a new hire, an end of the year appraisal, brainstorming a new project, or a celebration for a successful project, thinks about things in terms of other things. We think about things using various measurements, references, concepts, and considerations. These things determine how we think about things. Swiss watchmakers used to control the market for watches. They thought of those watches as mechanisms with gears and springs. If you wanted to make quality watches, that was how you made them. Joel Arthur Barker in Future Edge tells about Swiss watchmakers first learning about electronic quartz watches, developed in Switzerland’s Nauchatel research institute in 1968. But they dismissed the new kind of watch.

Why?

The new watches didn’t have what all watches have-gears and springs.

As a result, by 1981, the Swiss had lost 50,000 of their 62,000 jobs they had in that industry in 1968. Why? Because, unencumbered with the Swiss frame of reference, the Japanese had taken to making electronic quartz watches and had captured the market.

The Magic of Frames

When it comes to frames of reference, whoever sets the frame controls the subsequent experience. There’s that much “magic” in frames. Frames have that much influence in our lives over our perceptions, creativity, and ability to operate at peak performance in our businesses. We might even paraphrase the old proverb, “As a person frames, so he or she is.” With this recognition of the governing power of frames, we now ask:

• As a manager, what frames have you set in your business with regard to production, quality, handling disagreements and conflicts, customer service, pay raises, operating as a learning organization, staying current with the ever-changing markets, etc.?


• What frames do you operate from as a manager?


• How do your frames help or hinder you in terms of your own creativity?

The Invisibility of Frames

Most people don’t have an immediate answer to these questions. That highlights a very powerful and profound aspect of frames, namely, their invisibility. Their very invisibility, in fact, gives them their power. As with the example of the Swiss watchmakers, this invisibility can not only make it impossible for people to meet the changes in their markets creatively, it can rob them of the ability to even perceive those changes.

The Swiss had suffered from frame blindness. Trusting in their frame of reference as more than just a way of thinking, they had taken their perspective, their mental mapping as the same as “reality.” Knowing full well what a watch was, how to make it, and framing these thoughts with higher level confirming thoughts (“We have history on our side as proof.”), they could not see the change abroad in their field.

Then comes the Re-Framing

We reframe when we shift how we think about something and use a different reference structure. Then we put a piece of experience or information into a different classification or category. We look at it from a different perspective. This initiates creativity as we create a new point of view about things. Reframing creates new frames and so brings new ways of looking at things into existence. Poor reframing merely calls something by another name, but nobody believes it. Much of the “spin-doctoring” that goes on in politics, education, news reporting, etc. these days seeks to shift perspective (hence thinking, understanding, feeling, and responding), yet fails whenever the reframing stands out as too obvious. When it calls attention to itself it fails. Powerful, elegant, and transformative reframing occurs when we reclassify a piece of behavior, experience, or emotion in such a way that it makes even more sense, and, when it leads to much more effective thinking, feeling, and acting.

“To not achieve an important goal isn’t necessarily failure. Not at all. Rather, it may be feedback that creates informed responding for the second round. To prematurely judge something as a failure when you’re still in the refining and honing process only prevents

ongoing development.”

In Reframing We Create a New Beginning

Our first frames come from our first experiences and learnings. When we first encounter “work” we use that experience as our frame-of-reference for how to think about it later. If we had experienced “work” as something fun, productive, an expression of creativity or personal power, we would then use that original reference experience as our frame of reference for thinking about work thereafter. If we first experienced it as a punishment, an intrusion into our time, as dull and boring, as a necessary evil, etc., we would have that as our reference. Reframing involves the process of re-structuring how we represent and think about something.

As it provides a new reference structure or experience, it invites a whole new range of responses into existence. Experiences become references, and references then operate as our frame-of-references. We then use it to determine how to make meaning of things. This explains the formative influence of the experiences that occur in work environments and that have occurred. We use them as frames. Experiences with previous employers, bosses, supervisors, managers, etc. set the frame for how we think about and relate to today’s management.

From Frames to Reframing to Frame Games

The power that a manager has in communicating actually involves the power of framing and reframing. Skill in this area puts into the manager’s hands the tools for managing the conceptual atmosphere within which a business operates. In reframing, the manager works with the “mental models” of peers, bosses, and employees in order to create new frameworks for thinking.

The ability to frame and reframe grows from the awareness that nothing has “meaning” in and of itself, but that meaning in the human sense emerges as a mental construct-a way of thinking about something. My colleague, Dr. Bob Bodenhamer, and I have written an entire book on conversational reframing (Mind Lines: Lines for Changing Minds, 1997). In that work, we identified seven directions for sending a brain. These seven directions, in turn, provide seven dimensions for reframing. These included:

• Deframing: pulling a piece of meaning apart.


• Reframing: reclassifying some action or idea.


• Pre-framing: setting up a frame ahead of time that establishes a perspective.


• Post-framing: setting up a new time perspectives from a future vantage point so that as a person looks back upon an action, it takes on new and different meanings.


• Counter-framing: providing counter examples.


• Outframing: stepping aside from a piece of meaning and setting a new and higher frame about the idea.


• Metaphorical framing: using story, metaphors, and non-propositional language to frame things using an analogous situation.

Every frame controls what we pay attention to and how we order our attention. Every frame also controls how we feel, talk, and respond. So the Swiss showed no lack of intelligence, integrity, or acumen when they looked at electronic quartz watches. They perceived, understood, and felt about that according to their frame. Actually, it took intelligence to bring their frame “to bear upon” the new information because they had to check it out, compare it with their referencing system, and recognize that “it does not fit.” It also took integrity to be true to the governing frameworks and to say “No” to the new.

What they didn’t account for was the frame itself. Their frame of mind that put them in opposition to the unproven, and untrustworthy electronic watches came from their frame of reference. It all worked perfectly well. Except they trusted their frame too much. They failed to creatively adapt to the new discoveries and the changing market the discoveries would generate. They didn’t creatively wonder about their frame. They took it so much for granted that they confused it with reality. Later, when “the territory” changed, they found themselves still operating from some old maps that no longer enabled them to navigate in the changing world.

“He Who Sets the Frame Controls the Game”

How do we avoid getting blind-sided by our frames? How do we use reframing on others and ourselves in creative, respectful, and elegant ways?

I’d suggest we start by recognizing that we have and use many levels of the mind. We have a “mind” about whatever first level or primary level tasks and challenges before us. We have thoughts about people, events, markets, etc. These thoughts themselves create and set frames and might need reframing.

We also have higher thoughts. We have thoughts about those thoughts (meta-thinking or meta-cognition). What do we think about our thinking? What thinking patterns have we brought to bear upon the first level thoughts? Do these serve us well? Do they close down our minds, make us rigid, dogmatic, etc.?

And we have even higher-level thoughts about our thinking patterns.

Given these levels of mind, perhaps most important, the creative task of reframing should involve establishing a Quality Control Frame of Mind about the functioning of our mind in thinking, feeling, perceiving, etc. From time to time we should step back from our thinking, reminding ourselves of the frame blindness that caused the Swiss watchmakers to lose control of their market, and ask some creativity-influencing questions:

• What am I missing?


• How could I be fundamentally wrong?


• Is there a better approach?


• What changes might radically affect this?


• What frames of referencing have I been using?


• What other frames of referencing could I use?


• Who or what might be setting a new frame for this field or market?

Staying current and up-to-date most essentially involves having a flexible and adaptable frame of mind. To think in that way necessitates not over-believing in our mental maps, but recognizing that they are ultimate “just maps” and that as long as we live in a world full of change, we have to keep updating our maps.

We reframe precisely because we find or create better frameworks for thinking and operating. And we engage in such reframing when that better frame creates new market possibilities that enable us to respond creatively .

Playing the Frame Game

You can begin exploring your own frames from the standpoint of what games they cause you to play. Simply ask the, “What do I think about …?” question regarding any aspect that applies to your business:

• What do I think about the Internet? Web sites? Cyber-cash?


• What do I think about the state of a given market?


• What do I think about current and coming changes?

Summary

We enrich and expand our mental flexibility (and hence creativity) as we recognize that we inevitably frame and reframe things. That occurs at the primary level of experience. It concerns what we are thinking about. We shift this to an even higher level when we apply the same creativity to our reflexive thinking. This means we reframe our own framing with a willingness to stay current, run a “Quality Control” on our frames to make sure they are enhancing our lives, and recognizing that every mental model that we adopt represents a dated and fallible map.

References:

Hall, L. Michael; Bodenhamer, Bob G. (1997). Mind-lines: Lines for changing Minds. Grand Jct., CO: E.T. Publications.

Hall, L. Michael (2000). Frame Games: He Who Sets the Frame Controls the Game. (In press).

Author: L. Michael Hall, Ph.D., cognitive psychologist and author of more than a dozen works in Neuro-Linguistic Programming, is co-founder of The Institute of Neuro-Semantics. He can be reached via his web sites:

<http://ift.tt/1pPBuh1;

<http://ift.tt/1pPBvkV;

Michael@neurosemantics.com <mailto:Michael@neurosemantics.com>

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Enhanced Happiness with Reframing

Reframing with NLP For Enhanced Happiness

by: Adam Eason

I used to work for the Independent National Newspaper in Canary Wharf, London. I can remember in the build up to Christmas, my department was having a large and expensive new computer system installed because the newspaper was being relaunched, it was when Andrew Marr and Rosie Boycott were becoming joint editors, I digress…. The system was being put in just before Christmas, but it was a massive task, with numerous issues & overruns. As Christmas approached, there were still a number of teething problems, which led to stretched relations between the system supplier and the newspaper staff.

At one meeting about the integration of the system, my director had been trying to get more time investment from the installation company, only to be told that their people weren’t going to be available on Christmas day. My director was frustrated and furious, asking “What are you doing that’s more important than sorting out our system!?” Without hesitating, the guy from the installation company said “Delivering Christmas hampers to the elderly.” The impact was immediate; everyone in the room started laughing & my director joined them, realising that he’d perhaps been a bit unreasonable. Everyone knew that the story about the elderly wasn’t true, but that didn’t matter – the statement had changed his perception of the situation, instantly, & he started behaving more reasonably.

Changing the contextual frame:

There was an advertisement for the Guardian newspaper, which showed a set of still photographs arranged in a particular action sequence. The photographs showed a large framed man with very little hair on his head, wearing jeans and boots, running along a pathway with a real purpose.

In the first frame he is running towards an elderly lady; in the second frame, you see him knock her violently into the street; in the third frame you see him make his escape, obviously and seemingly this is another thug terrorising the elderly.

Then, when you turn the page, you are presented with some wider angle shots. In the wide-angle shots, you see the elderly lady casually walking beside a building that has building works being carried out upon it and where a cement mixer is about to topple from a scaffold. An alert pedestrian notices the situation and heroically runs towards the lady, pushing her clear of the building area. A moment later, the cement mixer falls to the ground in the spot where the lady was standing. The initially perceived ‘thug’ has in fact saved her life.

By changing the frame, the creators of the advertisement had changed the context of the man’s actions. Suddenly, what was perceived as typically criminal then became valiant and altruistic. His actions were transformed in a moment as they were reframed. I am sure you know of many other examples of this.

One of the presuppositions of NLP and something that fascinates and tests me, is that every behaviour is useful or valuable in some context. Upon learning and reading about this in the embryonic days of my learning, I did do my best to do the opposite! I wracked my brains for things that I just could not reframe. Of course, I could not do so for long. It’s just a matter of stretching your brain and finding a context that makes it useful; I have not always found this easy. This process is referred to as context reframing.

Every behaviour is useful in the right context:

Now here is a challenge for you. For any behaviour, no matter how frustrating or apparently without use or value, see if you can find a context where it’s useful. Once you find such a context, a subsequent act of presenting the behaviour in the new context is reframing it. If it was originally a behaviour that was treated very seriously or was problematic, you may then also want to think about adding humour or a playfulness in the way it is re-presented;

Firstly, identify a complaint, either about yourself or someone else, a simple structured to begin with, for example; “I’m too [x].” or “She’s too [y].” (Eg. “I’m too impatient”, “He’s too selfish.”, “She’s too messy.”)

Next up, ask yourself “In what contexts would the characteristic being complained about have value and/or usefulness?”

Thirdly, create several answers to this question, and then craft it into a ‘reframe’.

For example:

“I’m too impatient”

Example answer: “I bet you’re quick-thinking in an emergency.”

“She’s too messy”

Example answer “She’d be good to have around if we were trying to make our home look like it had been burgled.” (I don’t like to be too serious!)

“He’s too selfish”

Example answer: “We’ve had so many problems with people not taking care of themselves, it’s often good to make sure you look after yourself to be in a better position to help others .”

Now, I know these are a bit lame with some of my own tongue in cheek-iness added, but they don’t have to be that useful at this stage; it’s more important that you give yourself the freedom to be creative so your brain gets the pattern of what you’re doing. What’s more, when you have to do that and develop better reframes for yourself, your learning is far more comprehensive than if I were to spoon feed you responses to regurgitate.

The next step is to come up with reframes for any complaints that you (or others) have about yourself. This can be a lot of fun if you do it with someone else. (ie. you say “I’m too [x]” then they generate reframes.)

By the way, the example of “I’m too sexy” as in the 90s Pop Band “Right Said Fred” chart topping hit is not really appropriate ;-)

When reframing something someone says, rapport is important (otherwise reframing can seem like a very focused & deliberate attempt to annoy someone.) If you present someone with a reframe, ensure that you have a good level of rapport with them, best start with friends and/or family (assuming that you have rapport with them!)

Fifth, once you get the hang of it, start looking for opportunities to use context reframing each day, starting with the less challenging ones.

In a business context for example, one of the most powerful ways to use reframing is when people have objections (whether you’re selling a product, a service, an idea, or yourself.) reframing is a gentle method of working with someone as opposed to having to sell which many people are uncomfortable with. When you reframe someone’s objection, you can remove or alter its power. I once read the objection “I’m worried – What if I train my staff and then they leave.” The response: “Even worse, what if you don’t train your people and they stay.”

When you discover and create a way to change the context of someone’s objection, it alters the way they perceive it. This has been know to be an extremely effective way to overcome objections entirely.

Finally, for these initial steps of reframing, write a list the objections you get most frequently in business or complaints made in your life and generate a number of context reframes for each one. Then, look forward with a sense of anticipation to the next time someone offers that objection. Please bear in mind that you are opening up options here, not covering things up, if a particular problematic issue is occurring, sometimes it may not be appropriate to just reframe.

Both my Grandparents on my fathers side were 80 two years ago and we had celebratory family gatherings. As I walked into one of the celebrations I asked the standard question “So, what’s it like waking up on your 80th birthday, Grandad?” To which he replied “Better than not waking up on your 80′th birthday”.

Now, I’d like to start playing with ‘content reframing.’ If a footballer kicks the ball into his team’s net, it’s called an “own goal”, but if a soldier accidentally shoots one of his fellow soldiers, it’s called “friendly fire” (Sounds kind of cuddly, doesn’t it? But you would not want any coming your way.) George Orwell’s 1984 had plenty of examples of content reframing (eg. the ministries of peace & truth) that live on today in many forms (a peacekeeper missile, anyone?)

So, content reframing involves changing the meaning of something.

Right, to develop this further, follow this procedure; identify a complaint a complaint or issue with the structure “I feel [X] when [Y] happens.” (Eg. “I feel angry when he does not help” or “I feel frustrated when I make mistakes”)

Next, ask yourself “What else could this (Y) mean?”, “What else could this (X) mean?” or “What else could this situation mean?”, or ask “How can this (X) or (Y) be interpreted?

Then, you can come up with several answers to these, and then create a ‘reframe’.

For example: “I feel upset when I see the mess these kids have made”

Example answer: “It’s good that they can be ‘in the moment’ without worrying about a few things being out of place.”

Alternate example answer: “A little untidiness is a small price to pay for happy children.”

Another example answer: “The fact that it’s messy means they’re expressing their creativity.”

Obviously, if you were to offer these reframes to someone who is annoyed or frustrated, I would suggest that it would be a good idea to get in rapport with them first and of course to select your words carefully.

As with my previous examples, these aren’t the most amazing reframes in the world, but they don’t have to be that useful at this stage; it’s more important that you give yourself the freedom to be creative so your brain gets the pattern of what you’re doing.

Now, you can come up with reframes for any complaints or issues that you can identify for yourself or others. This can be a lot of fun (honestly!) if you take turns doing it with someone else. (ie. you say “I feel [X] when [Y] happens” then they generate reframes.)

Then, once you get the hang of it, start looking for opportunities to use content reframing each day. For spreading good feelings around and helping people to lessen the easy natural way that they can sometimes get “bogged down” in the trivial. Depends on what you consider trivial though, be careful and thoughtful.

Once again, in a business sense, content reframing is also very powerful for dealing with objections of all sorts. For example, a reframe I sometimes use when someone objects to the price of consulting with me (I am sooooo expensive!) is to respond with something along the lines of:

“If you are after a cheap consultant or therapist, then you are right, I am not for you. If however, you want to invest in your future then maybe I am. If your child needed a serious operation, would you look for the cheapest surgeon? Then why look for the cheapest way to make changes in your life that are important enough to seek help with?”

Again, I do have my tongue planted in my cheek as I write that riposte, however, I am sure you see where I am coming from here.

Then finally, list the objections you get most frequently & generate a number of content reframes for each one. Then, look forward with a sense of anticipation to the next time someone offers that objection. Remember to keep rapport with people when doing this! Or in jargon-free speak, relate, empathise, connect, get on with.

Good luck with your reframing and creating more harmony.

Source

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