Perfectionism And Quality Of Life

“If I’m Perfect, No One Will Reject Me” – Healing Perfectionism

by: Margaret Paul, Ph.D.

Do you believe that being “perfect” gives you control over how people feel about you?”

If you do, then you are coming from 3 big false beliefs that are causing you much unhappiness.

FALSE BELIEF #1

“I can have control over how people feel about me.”

Think for a moment whether or not others have control over how you feel about them. Can someone do everything “right” and be “perfect” in their own eyes, yet you don’t enjoy being around them or you don’t feel connected with them?

Of course!

Others may influence how you feel about them, but they have no control over how you feel about them. If you are a basically accepting person, then you might like them even if they get angry or withdrawn. If you are generally a judgmental person, then there may be little they can do for you to like them.

Now turn this around regarding how others feel about you. Since you have no control over whether or not another person is accepting or judgmental, it stands to reason that you also have no control over how they feel about you, regardless of how perfectly loving, open, caring, giving, understanding, handsome, beautiful, or rich you are.

FALSE BELIEF #2

“There is a standard of perfectionism and I can reach it.”

I grew up believing that there was a “right” and “perfect” way to be. Then I learned that what I thought was right and perfect was not necessarily what others thought was right and perfect. In fact, it seemed that each person had a completely different understanding of what it means to be perfect!

This was quite distressing to me, as it took away my illusion of control over how people felt about me. At that time many years ago, I was terrified of rejection, so it gave me great comfort to believe that if only I was perfect enough, then I would never be rejected. Without a standard of perfection, what would be my guiding light to feel safe?

FALSE BELIEF #3

“I am basically flawed and need to strive to cover up my flaws and appear to be better than I am.”

As long as I believed that I was basically flawed in some way, I was afraid of rejection. When I learned how to connect with my spiritual Guidance and see myself through the eyes of truth rather than through the eyes of my parents and others, I was able to see that my soul essence – my core Self – is already perfect, a perfect individualized expression of the Divine.

What was flawed were my beliefs that were programmed into me and needed to be healed.

HEALING PERFECTIONISM

Imagine how life would be for you if you knew that you were already perfectly wonderful and incredible just the way you are in your true Self? What if you could separate out the flawed, wounded, programmed part of you – the part you created to help you survive pain – from the magnificent part of you that God created. What if you could see that your ego wounded self – with all your fears and protections and ways of trying to have control over getting love and avoiding pain – is NOT who you are.

Then, instead of perfectionism being your guiding light, being fully and passionately yourself becomes your guiding light!

I assure you, this is a MUCH easier way to live!

Source

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Be Flexible with Others

Why Being Flexible with Others Brings Success

by: Andy Sullivan

Other people live in the same world as you. Perhaps another way of looking at this is to say, there are people who share the same world as you. This may seem an obvious point to make, but many people believe the world revolves around them. The people who share the world with us have just as much right to follow their dreams as you or me. A lot of people fail to grasp that people in this world provide the opportunities for success. The adage, it’s not what you know but who you know, and it’s is true in every way. Whether you like it or not, other people will continue to exist in your world .Accepting that these people have the right to cohabit this Earth with you makes plain sense. You should also accept that other people may choose to live according to a set of values that are not your own .

You have probably noticed that humans come in a variety of shapes, sizes, and colours. No doubt, you have seen that not all people share the same religion culture or political opinion. Accepting diversity is one of the best ways to increase your tolerance of others. Acknowledging that other people have a right to their own ideas about how to live their lives even when you totally disagree with what they are saying can save you a lot of emotional distress. People are going to continue to exercise their beliefs no matter what you think.

Accepting others is the key to being free of anger stressors and unhealthy rage. Wanting others to treat you well and with respect is fair enough. Similarly, you probably want other people to do a good job for you. Social contracts are like gentlemens agreements where we presume a certain person will treat us in a particular way. You need to ask yourself, am I doing everything I can to fill my end of the bargain?

The Earth seen from Apollo 17. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Keeping your attitudes flexible and based on preferences, rather than demands or expectations, can keep you in harmony with yourself. The more rigid and demanding you are of others, the more likely it is that you will become angry and bitter for no good reason. Being flexible towards others means you have to be prepared to tolerate disrespect from others too. Having a flexible outlook means accepting that there are some people in this world who do not share the same values or respect culture as you. Of course, this is slightly different when it comes to reacting to people we know personally, we are talking here about people in everyday life. Remember that people behave according to how they want to behave not how you want them to behave.

The point I am making here is that putting people down makes respecting people in general difficult. You need to sustain a level of respect for others in order to be able to consider their behaviour correctly. The alternative is accepting them as people who make mistakes just like yourself. Accepting other people will make you a more tolerant and more pleasant person. There are rewards to reap from this mindset: your mind set will become more positive and energetic in the right way.

As we have been discussing, one of the best ways to determine your frame of mind is to think about how you are with other people. A great way to do this is to picture how you behave towards people you do not know. Are you outgoing and open to meeting and talking with others? Or are you insular and afraid. Believe it or not one of the best ways to overcome a negative frame of mind is to change your attitude to the world around you and that means the people in it as well

By believing that other people are complex, ever-changing and mistake ridden individuals, you will see the beauty of your new tolerant state of mind. Frustration will occur if you believe that the people around you are interfering with you goal. If you carry on in this way, you will experience the unhealthy sort of rage that makes your life plain miserable.

Source

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Volunteering Will Enhance Your Life

Volunteering Will Enhance Your Life – Become an Inspiration to Others

by: Grace Enderlein

Volunteering is a wonderful, selfless way to help those in need. Someone experiencing misfortune may have nowhere else to turn, and with your time and efforts, you can be there to help. What a blessing you could be, and you can make a difference in their life. How about the difference it can make in your life? It turns out that volunteering will enhance and benefit your life as well.

Volunteering makes you feel great in that you are able to aid someone in need, but there are other advantages. There are many benefits that could help you in your profession, and help further your career. You can learn and develop new skills, discover talents you did not know you had, and even teach your skills to others. You can gain work experience and add it to your resume, and make networking contacts. Some skills can translate into your personal life; for example learning how to repair something in your home, or improving your organizational skills.

Your self esteem and confidence will be boosted from how you will be valued and needed when you volunteer. It has been proven that your health could improve from doing such a positive thing, and you may end up with new friends and positive relationships in your life. When the ones you help observe what a constructive thing volunteering is in your life, you can be an inspiration to women and men, motivating them to want to help out and volunteer too.

Source

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Cut Yourself Some Slack

by: Jonathon Hardcastle

We all have had our portion of bad days; they are inevitable. Living in the realm of today’s busy working schedules, while not allowing our bodies and minds to experience any relaxing time or enjoying life’s simple pleasures, has led us feeling physically ill or emotionally worn out. It is time to realize that this is actually a normal outcome of pushing yourself too hard. But what is not normal is allowing this depressing state to continue without doing anything to reverse its negative outcomes.

When the advice of “cutting yourself some slack” is given to you not only by columnists or experts, but also by friends, then you have to reconsider your actions and daily routine and perform any necessary changes to allow yourself some time to breath. Working individuals suffer today from a common problem; being always too busy. Instead of multitasking when you are in the house or simply deciding to stay indoors because you do not think you have the necessary energy to perform anything else, react! Make yourself get out the door and begin experiencing the life you believe you deserve. Begin by calling friends or joining a group of people that are willing to explore life’s choices while being outdoors. Close the door behind you and let work problems exist only when you are in the office.

Although this is easier said than done, try to select a precious time during the day or even the week and spoil yourself by going window shopping, walking around in the nearest park, or jogging early in the morning or later, before dinner time. Those precious moments away from it all can give you a sense of accomplishment and fulfillment that only you can provide to your body and mind. Cutting some slack, should not be considered a luxury. Instead, you should think of it as the necessary time to charge your own batteries and thus cope better with life. Others‘ expectations, as well as your own, can be a very heavy load for you to carry around, 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. Make yourself and others realize that engaging in any outdoor activities is one of the few ways you have in hand to become more productive and increase your efficiency levels.

Biking, swimming, jogging, playing baseball, soccer, basketball, football or any other sport of your choice, can direct you to reach a different state of mind and actually begin feeling again useful. Instead of spending the limited available time worrying for things you cannot fix while outside the office, invest in yourself and others will realize the difference as soon as you will.

Source

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