Showing posts with label Hearing (sense). Show all posts

Friday, 29 August 2014

Secrets to Good Listening

The Secret to Good Listening Skills

What is really meant by “effective workplace communication?”

If you’ve looked at job postings lately (and who hasn’t!), you know that one quality universally required for employment is “communication skills.” What does that phrase bring to mind? Usually it’s speaking well and writing clearly. However, listening is another large and equally important component of your communication skills.

How do I know if I’m a good listener?

Listening skills take focus and energy, so it makes sense that excellent listening is called “active listening.” Interpersonal communication is a process that takes place between two or more people. When we listen we hear the information being conveyed. We think about it and often create a mental picture based on what’s being said. We might mentally repeat a particular word or phrase that we want to remember.

At the same time, we look at the person communicating, try to let them know we are following their words and want them to continue, and perhaps we are taking notes too. We may be thinking of responses or questions for the speaker. With all this activity going on, it’s no wonder that much of what is spoken gets lost.

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Communication (Photo credit: P Shanks)

Often people who think they are listening are more busy with mental distractions and plans to interrupt the speaker to say something themselves. In reality, the average listener only hears a quarter to one half of what is being said. With good listening skills, an active listener works hard to focus on the person speaking, mentally blocking out distractions that may be going on in the environment or thoughts that may be intruding into their mind.

The active listener is using their mental energy to comprehend what they are hearing and formulate thoughts about it. The average listener is thinking about their headache or their plans for later, or formulating their argument for the topic at hand.

Is it possible to improve communication in the workplace?

Think of the time and energy that would be saved if 100% of spoken words were truly heard and comprehended. Being human, we will most likely never reach that 100% level, but we definitely could improve. Take a look at those who are truly great leaders. They spend as much time listening as they do speaking. Practice active listening by focusing on the person speaking and ignoring other activity going on around you or unrelated thoughts occurring in your mind. It helps to mentally repeat the words the speaker is saying.

Pretend that you are going to repeat the speaker’s words back to them. When you don’t fully understand, ask for clarification. Repeat what you thought you heard and ask the speaker if that is what they meant. Avoid interrupting the speaker, and you can expect them to treat you with the same respect.

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The Compassionate Ear

Who is a Compassionate Listener?

by: Dr. Linda Miles

It is difficult to become a good listener who both validates the pain of the other, while maintaining the ability to look at themselves. Each person must listen compassionately to themselves and each other.

Within many relationships, rather than engaging in compassionate listening, many couples polarize. One partner is the voice of reason, the head, while the other partner is the voice of emotion, the heart. These patterns often create communication problems, which hardly begins to touch on the angst that can be felt between couples.

While, listening with both our hearts and our heads is valuable, neither is complete by itself, because listening with both makes one complete person. Someone who uses just their head while listening is using their intellect and knowledge, and when used individually, without the hearts part, it can be cold and indifferent. When listening with just the heart compassion turns into confused feelings.

A compassionate listener is someone who listens with both their head and their heart.

Here are traits of a compassionate listener:

They are commited to listening.

They have the intention of understanding, as deeply as possible, the message and concerns of others.

They seek to understand the reality of another through both compassion and understanding.

They refrain from verbal and nonverbal judgments.

They are physically and mentally ready to listen.

They validate their understanding of the other’s reality before expressing their opinion.

They create a balance between their head and their heart.

They remain present and are in the here and now.

They are open to new learning experiences about their own behaviors.

They self-evaluate and can laugh at themselves.