Showing posts with label Pain. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Pain. Show all posts

Saturday, 8 November 2014

Powerful Communication: Apology Do’s and Don’ts


by: Julie Fuimano




Do you apologize for anything and everything?




Do you apologize for things that are completely out of your control?




How about apologizing for other people’s behavior?




Do you tend to apologize just to see if the other person will apologize?




An apology can be a very cathartic act. It can mend fences and build bridges. It is an act of a true leader when you are able to admit a wrong or mistake.




An apology done well is powerful. For this reason, making an apology should be taken very seriously.




When they are thrown around without much thought, they lose their potency. An empty apology does not serve you but rather can diminish the respect others have for you.




Why do we struggle so much with apologies?




1) Some people don’t ever want to admit they are wrong. This relates to their self-esteem, although they might not admit it. Human beings are of greatest value. When a person cannot accept their value, they seek something external to give them the validation they need. Often people’s value is attached to their ideas. To the person whose self-esteem is attached to their ideas, admitting you are wrong means that YOU are wrong and you cannot NOT have value.




2) Other people don’t want to be seen as weak. They don’t want to make a mistake. They seek perfection. To admit fault is to admit failure, in their perspective. They value appearances over truth and humility.




3) And others apologize for everything. Guilt, shame, needing to be liked or needed, or fear of confrontation or conflict causes them to accept responsibility for everything. Their fear is in charge and they are at Fear’s mercy.




How well do you do with apologizing? Here are some dos and don’ts for making an apology:




DO listen to the other person’s feelings. If they are hurting, acknowledge their pain.




DON’T accept responsibility for their pain. It’s not yours; it’s theirs. If you did or said something inappropriate and that resulted in their pain, then yes,




DO apologize for anything YOU DO that might directly have caused their pain. Be careful how you language your apology though.




Accepting responsibility is crucial to determine whether an apology applies and is necessary.




DO accept responsibility for your words and actions. If they result in harm or if you are wrong, then DO apologize.




DON’T apology out of guilt. If you carry a lot of guilt with you or if guilt tends to drive your behaviors, then challenge the guilt feeling. Is it true? Or is it that this person does not wish to accept their responsibility in the situation? The guilt is yours but it is just an emotion. Identify the anger underneath to determine if the problem is yours or theirs. Take the assessment on my website to identify specifically the thought processes leading to your guilt. From there, you can learn to take charge rather than being at the mercy of these guilt feelings.




DON’T accept responsibility for things over which you have no control. “I am so sorry for the foot of snow we got that slowed down traffic.” Really? You have that much power you can control the weather? Please, just apologize for being late.




DON’T explain away the apology. When you explain yourself it diminishes the potency of the apology. And, in some cases, it reverses it. “I am so sorry I am late but you see, the traffic was a mess and my kids were unruly and I couldn’t get…” What happens is that you water-down your apology. Your excuses tell the other person that you are not really at fault. These outside factors were the real cause for your behavior. You are perceived as being out of control.




DO apologize for your behavior or the result of your behavior. “I apologize for missing the deadline.” Say no more. This means, you may have to listen to others complain about the results of your actions. They have every right to their thoughts and feelings about your behavior. Let them vent.




DON’T let them go on and on. And DON’T let them chastise you. It is never acceptable to be put down or otherwise belittled or abused. You may have to set a boundary and tell them that it’s enough. You can move the conversation along by changing the subject or if you have to, then leave.




DON’T keep apologizing! Say it once. Make sure it is heard and then let it go. It is up to the other person to receive your apology. You have no control over what they do with your apology.




Will you get in trouble because you missed the deadline or didn’t finish your work? You may. Next time, meet the deadline.




DO understand if the other person is unwilling to forgive. They do not have to. And they will have to live with that. You have done your part by saying what needs to be said and “clearing the space”. And while you may feel badly that the other person cannot find forgiveness at this time, you can only do what you can do which is to accept responsibility for you. They are responsible for themselves.




DON’T apologize simply to get the other personal to apologize. They may accept responsibility for their part; they may not. You do not have control over that. As a leader, be the role model and be understanding. They may not be ready to accept responsibility for their flaws. It’s a big step in personal development, one that many people are just not ready for. Their self-esteem may be too fragile. And, we’ve all been there at some point in our lives.




DON’T accept responsibility for other people’s poor behavior and words. This is a huge source of stress! When you accept responsibility for other people, you do not allow them to feel the pain of their own actions and receive the consequences. You, however, will become angry and resentful.




DO put responsibility where it belongs.




Oh, and one more thing, listen to your voice mail message. If you apologize for being unable to answer the phone, change it. Instead say that you are out having a great time and you’ll return the call when you can.




DON’T be sorry that you missed the call. Be happy that you have a life away from the phone!




Source




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Thursday, 6 November 2014

Powerful Communication: Apology Do’s and Don’ts

by: Julie Fuimano


Do you apologize for anything and everything?


Do you apologize for things that are completely out of your control?


How about apologizing for other people’s behavior?


Do you tend to apologize just to see if the other person will apologize?


An apology can be a very cathartic act. It can mend fences and build bridges. It is an act of a true leader when you are able to admit a wrong or mistake.


An apology done well is powerful. For this reason, making an apology should be taken very seriously.


When they are thrown around without much thought, they lose their potency. An empty apology does not serve you but rather can diminish the respect others have for you.


Why do we struggle so much with apologies?


1) Some people don’t ever want to admit they are wrong. This relates to their self-esteem, although they might not admit it. Human beings are of greatest value. When a person cannot accept their value, they seek something external to give them the validation they need. Often people’s value is attached to their ideas. To the person whose self-esteem is attached to their ideas, admitting you are wrong means that YOU are wrong and you cannot NOT have value.


2) Other people don’t want to be seen as weak. They don’t want to make a mistake. They seek perfection. To admit fault is to admit failure, in their perspective. They value appearances over truth and humility.


3) And others apologize for everything. Guilt, shame, needing to be liked or needed, or fear of confrontation or conflict causes them to accept responsibility for everything. Their fear is in charge and they are at Fear’s mercy.


How well do you do with apologizing? Here are some dos and don’ts for making an apology:


DO listen to the other person’s feelings. If they are hurting, acknowledge their pain.


DON’T accept responsibility for their pain. It’s not yours; it’s theirs. If you did or said something inappropriate and that resulted in their pain, then yes,


DO apologize for anything YOU DO that might directly have caused their pain. Be careful how you language your apology though.


Accepting responsibility is crucial to determine whether an apology applies and is necessary.


DO accept responsibility for your words and actions. If they result in harm or if you are wrong, then DO apologize.


DON’T apology out of guilt. If you carry a lot of guilt with you or if guilt tends to drive your behaviors, then challenge the guilt feeling. Is it true? Or is it that this person does not wish to accept their responsibility in the situation? The guilt is yours but it is just an emotion. Identify the anger underneath to determine if the problem is yours or theirs. Take the assessment on my website to identify specifically the thought processes leading to your guilt. From there, you can learn to take charge rather than being at the mercy of these guilt feelings.


DON’T accept responsibility for things over which you have no control. “I am so sorry for the foot of snow we got that slowed down traffic.” Really? You have that much power you can control the weather? Please, just apologize for being late.


DON’T explain away the apology. When you explain yourself it diminishes the potency of the apology. And, in some cases, it reverses it. “I am so sorry I am late but you see, the traffic was a mess and my kids were unruly and I couldn’t get…” What happens is that you water-down your apology. Your excuses tell the other person that you are not really at fault. These outside factors were the real cause for your behavior. You are perceived as being out of control.


DO apologize for your behavior or the result of your behavior. “I apologize for missing the deadline.” Say no more. This means, you may have to listen to others complain about the results of your actions. They have every right to their thoughts and feelings about your behavior. Let them vent.


DON’T let them go on and on. And DON’T let them chastise you. It is never acceptable to be put down or otherwise belittled or abused. You may have to set a boundary and tell them that it’s enough. You can move the conversation along by changing the subject or if you have to, then leave.


DON’T keep apologizing! Say it once. Make sure it is heard and then let it go. It is up to the other person to receive your apology. You have no control over what they do with your apology.


Will you get in trouble because you missed the deadline or didn’t finish your work? You may. Next time, meet the deadline.


DO understand if the other person is unwilling to forgive. They do not have to. And they will have to live with that. You have done your part by saying what needs to be said and “clearing the space”. And while you may feel badly that the other person cannot find forgiveness at this time, you can only do what you can do which is to accept responsibility for you. They are responsible for themselves.


DON’T apologize simply to get the other personal to apologize. They may accept responsibility for their part; they may not. You do not have control over that. As a leader, be the role model and be understanding. They may not be ready to accept responsibility for their flaws. It’s a big step in personal development, one that many people are just not ready for. Their self-esteem may be too fragile. And, we’ve all been there at some point in our lives.


DON’T accept responsibility for other people’s poor behavior and words. This is a huge source of stress! When you accept responsibility for other people, you do not allow them to feel the pain of their own actions and receive the consequences. You, however, will become angry and resentful.


DO put responsibility where it belongs.


Oh, and one more thing, listen to your voice mail message. If you apologize for being unable to answer the phone, change it. Instead say that you are out having a great time and you’ll return the call when you can.


DON’T be sorry that you missed the call. Be happy that you have a life away from the phone!


Source


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Monday, 22 September 2014

A Period of Healing

The Importance of Healing


By


A period of healing can be necessary after many different types of loss. When a person‘s life is devastated it can require time to heal, adjust and adapt before they become able to move on again.



There are several areas where this is important.



  1. female-yogi Death can be a terrible shock, even when a person has been ill for a long time. Partners and families gradually adjust to having an invalid in their midst and it can become a normal, accepted part of their lives. Taking time to reconcile to the loss can depend on several factors. Some people may have guilt and unfinished business with the person they have lost. Some people may feel bitter and angry at a life so sadly cut short, some people are bereft at the thought of what they are going to do now. There can be a combination of all these factors. Taking time to heal, maybe undertake grief counseling can help with the process of reconciling and healing.

  2. Loss of a lifestyle can require healing. Some people may have lost their job or their business and fear that they will never work again. This can raise many issues. Money and income to pay the bills is often an immediate concern. But confidence, self-esteem and personal value can ultimately be more important. Some people feel that they will never heal from the trauma of being cast aside from their role in life. Many people define themselves through their job. Finding something useful and life-enhancing can take time to discover but counseling and hypnotherapy can often help a person understand what has happened to them and why, heal and then move on to start again.

  3. ColonicTruths-HealThyselfPart1Of2182-168 Relationships end regularly, but that does not make accepting and coping with the loss of a special relationship any easier to bear. Even if their relationship was difficult at times many people are still caught by surprise when their partner says that it is over. Confidence can be an important factor, especially in a long-term relationship. People get used to their roles in a relationship and losing that structure can be a shattering situation for a time. Having to become more independent, learn how to do things oneself is often required at a time when they are at their most vulnerable, when their partner has just left. Healing can take a long time and many people are in danger of becoming a little cynical as a result of the experience.

  4. Counseling can help the couple communicate better with each other, manage family concerns and understand each other’s point of view, whatever the outcome. Individual counseling and hypnotherapy can help with the recovery process, reclaiming one’s confidence and life and starting to live again with more hope and optimism.

  5. back-pain Physical pain and loss of good health is a constant factor in some people’s lives. Having to cope with pain can cause depression and the loss of any quality of life. Having to manage pain either by medication or regular treatment can take over someones life. Hypnotherapy can help cope better because stress is often a factor to consider. People in pain often hold themselves differently, become tense as a result of their condition and are often afraid to move naturally in case they trigger more pain. There are certain techniques that can help manage chronic and regular pain more effectively.


And, frequently, when a person becomes less stressed they find that some of their pain symptoms lessen or even disappear. Headaches, miscellaneous aches and pains can occur as a result of stress. People often talk about feeling gutted, irritated or sick to the stomach. A lot of the phrases we use are manifestations of how we hold stressful situations in our bodies. Hypnotherapy is an effective way of letting go of those pains, becoming healthier and finding better ways to cope.


Healing is an important part of recovering from experiences that have damaged us, physically, mentally or emotionally. Allowing ourselves to take that time and use it well allows us to heal, learn from the experiences and move on, wiser and stronger as a consequence.



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