ROBERT J.R. GRAHAM: Things To Say To Set Your Personal Boundaries

by: Amy Twain

Setting your own personal boundaries is important so that you’ll avoid becoming a doormat, keeping your self-esteem intact, and saying no without feeling guilty. After all, you are taking care of your personal needs, as each of us do, so, why feel guilty saying no to some things you can’t commit to?

When you set personal boundaries for yourself, you fortify your inner shield, knowing you can stand up for yourself and most of all, you don’t have to be pressured to please others (which most of the time, you don’t even like).

You can begin to set your personal boundaries when you try to speak with a neutral tone. If you have any intense emotions with someone, vent and address it prior to having your boundary conversation.

If you want to decline to extra commitments, you can say, “Though I know this is important to me, I have to say no to for additional volunteer tasks so that I can prioritize my family time.”

Want to set a boundary with a grown up child who keeps on borrowing money? “From now on, I will not be lending you money anymore. I care for you and I’d be proud if you work hard for your money now that you’re an adult.”

Dealing with an angry person? you can tell him, “Don’t shout at me.” I’ll leave if you won’t stop”. If you’re dealing with someone who’s being overly critical, “It’s not fine with me that you keep on picking on me and my mannerisms. I want to ask you to stop it.”

Want more time in making (especially tough) decisions? Try this: “I would have to sleep on it, since I make it a point not to make hasty decisions.” And who says you can’t back out of a commitment? You can; try saying, “I know I said yes in spearheading the campaign, but after I went over my schedule, I realized that I can’t give out my undivided attention. I would like to offer in finding a substitute by the end of the month.”

So who says you can’t say no and set your personal boundaries?

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