ROBERT J.R. GRAHAM: 4th Density relationships

Germane: Greetings to everyone. This is Germane. We’d like to thank you all for coming this night. The title of session is “Fourth-Density Relationships“. We would like to encourage you to feel free to ask any questions that are on your mind on the topic.

We are going to start out by talking about the transformation from third to fourth density. As you’ve heard us say many times, one of the characteristics of third density is separation�whether it be separation from the God source, from each other, or separating aspects of yourselves within yourselves.

This idea of separation has been necessary in third density to keep you in the third density experience. We are not saying in any way, shape or form, that the separation that you have been a part of on your world for the last several thousand years is in any way wrong, bad, negative. It is part of the experience that you have all chosen.

As you are moving from the 3D into the 4D reality, one of the main qualities of fourth density reality is integration, or reintegration. Therefore, the laws or premises that you have in 3D reality (based on separation) can no longer operate successfully in 4D. If you attempt to carry the premises and beliefs of separation into a 4D reality and refuse to let them go, you can literally tear yourself apart emotionally.

A lot of what many of you are feeling in your own growth (whether it be relationships with lovers, family, friends or yourself) is almost a sense of urgency about letting go of certain things that have been carried for quite some time. This feeling of urgency has to do with the idea, literally, that you are moving from one vibrational reality to another. The set of beliefs and premises that were operating in one reality cannot be sustained in the next. So you are feeling that desire to shift beliefs, to shift premises, and therefore shift the way you live. To some degree it is as if someone has handed you a tangled ball of yarn. There it is in your lap, you don’t know where to start to untangle it. The only thing you can do is start where the easiest place is to start.

3D Relationships

Bringing this into the topic of relationships, the premises and beliefs of 3D (separation) were necessary to maintain 3D relationships. Let us share with you some of these principles. Principles based on separation can be as follows:

Secrecy. This has been a big one in your society. Secrecy is withholding information from your partner or from yourself. Secrecy does not just operate on the level of your interactions with others; secrecy keep you separated from the greater portion of yourself, as well. The idea of secrecy has been very important to maintain relationships in 3D reality, because it is an expression of separation.

Fear-based Monogamy. Another expression of separation is the expression of what you would call monogamy�fear-based monogamy. We are not talking about monogamy by choice, we are talking about monogamy through fear. That has been an expression based on separation. The premise basically is that if you can get someone to commit to you, then you thus take yourself out of the flow of having to deal with relationships and you are safe. You are separate from the rest of the world. Separate and safe. This is monogamy based on fear.

Conditional Love. Conditional love has been an expression which has been very vital to maintaining 3D-type relationships. Conditional love means that you will love someone only if they fulfill your needs or conditions that you set out. If they do not fill this, you will withdraw your love. There has been a noncomprehension in 3D reality of the meaning of unconditional love. When you are dealing from a separative framework, the only way you can view everything else is through that framework of separation. And so love therefore (the old definition of love in 3D) is love based on conditions.

Expectation. This means that you go into a relationship with someone with expectations in your mind that maybe you are not even aware of. If you are aware of these expectations, you attempt to get the other person to fulfill those expectations. Again, the person is used to satisfy the need of the person seeking the relationship.

Manipulation. This is another quality often inherent in 3D relationships. This can be very covert. It is overt in some cases, as well. However, in the classic 3D relationship there can be very deep-seated manipulation plays being done so that each person will get their needs fulfilled or will be protected from their fears. So often the idea of manipulation is carried out to protect you from your own fears. If you manipulate the other person, you can thus not feel your fear.

The Need to Control is also a quality inherent in very solidly anchored 3D relationships. This is a mistrust in reality�that everything is happening the way it needs to be, or for your greater good. The need to control says you do not accept that idea. You thus must instead shape the relationship, force it, mold it, because you do not trust it will be what it needs to be by itself.

We will stop here because there is literally a lot more we can say on this. It will come out later in the session. Let us go to the 4D idea.

4D Relationships

Since 4D is based on integration or reintegration, the characteristics that were once status quo in 3D relationships can no longer be sustained in 4D. Literally, the vibration cannot sustain separative ideas. Qualities inherent in 4D relationships would be:

Honesty (Non-Secrecy). The couple or the unit must have, at all costs, honesty instead of secrecy. This means if you see in your friend or partner that they are doing something that is sabotaging to themselves or to the relationship that you speak that observation instead of withholding it (so you do not hurt the person’s feelings), or so that you can continue to control them being in the relationship. Literally we are talking about polar opposites here.

3D is Secrecy, 4D is honesty. We cannot stress to you enough how important honesty is in a 4D relationship. If there is no honesty, there cannot be a continuation of that relationship in the 4D model. It is that crucial.

When we say honesty, we are also talking about honesty with the self. Many of you will at times keep things from yourself to keep you feeling safe. Within a 4D reality, it is very difficult to keep things from the self. You may wake up one morning, and you may suddenly realize that the relationship you are in no longer serves you. That must be recognized for the flow to continue. We are in no way saying, “You need to adopt these characteristics now!” Not at all. You will do this naturally. However, in this transition period now between 3D and 4D, you are being hit with qualities from both. As this happens, you will need to make some choices about how you wish to continue in your relationships.

We will state that if you choose the integrative model (the 4D model) and you truly become that idea (not try to become it) you will not feel the pain of loss in any situation, in any relationship. You will only feel pain or loss if you are either in the 3D relationship, or deluding yourself into thinking you are in a 4D relationship. That will be when the pain of loss comes up.

Again, we do want to stress to all of you that we are not saying you must do this, and you must move into 4D relationships. Not at all. You have choices. You can make the choices. It is entirely up to you. However, we want to help illustrate for you the package deal you may be signing up for if you make certain choices. It is a package deal.

If you make a choice based on separation (a 3D model), and then expect to live in a 4D relationship, it is not going to happen. Recognize where your choices are based. Make your continuing choices from there.

Let us go back to the qualities of 3D and 4D relationships. 3D relationships are based on secrecy and 4D on honesty; 3D based on conditional love and 4D based on unconditional love. Every being has the capability of experiencing more unconditional love than they ever have from moment to moment. There is never a limit to unconditional love. From this point, your experience of love has been 3D. Literally, you will need to build your own definitions of unconditional love because it can only be conceived of by experiencing it. We know you’ve heard definitions. We know that all of you can come up with definitions. But those definitions are partially intellectual. They are not yet 100% brought down to the emotions. Unconditional love is another vital part of 4D relationships. That means loving someone with no conditions. If they don’t fulfill your needs, you still love them. If they do not carry out your expectations, you still love them. You love them for being who they are without attempting to change them. It is an in-the-moment type of experience, whereas conditional love is always based on the past or future, not in the present. Unconditional love is based in the present.

Absolute Trust. This is the opposite of the 3D quality of the Need to Control. There is no need or desire to control. It is not as if you must get up each day and say, “I must trust today.” It is a beingness. When you wake up each day you are not worried about keeping your spirit in your body. You don’t focus on that. It just happens. So, 4D is like that. The trust is there, it just happens. Control vs. trust.

Allowingness. This is the opposite of manipulation. Allow. Allow the other person to be who they need to be. Because only then will you truly see, in fact, who they are. If you attempt to manipulate them, you never see who they really are. You see who you need them to be.

Relationships by Choice. This is the opposite of Monogamy from Fear. This means that if you want monogamy, it is by conscious choice. If you want polygamy or polyfidelity, it is by conscious choice.

It is perfectly acceptable for you to choose any of these things. All of these things are inherently neutral. They do not have a built in meaning. You ascribe them meaning by judgment. One is “better,” one is “worse.” All of these choices are neutral, any that you choose can work for you. However, if your conscious choice is to move into a 4D type relationship, you will not be able to do that if you keep holding on to any of the premises from 3D. They will need to be shifted and rearranged.

As you shift from a 3D to a 4D perspective, many people will in fact experience fear. Literally you are going through uncharted territory. You can’t see necessarily what is over the next ridge. So it is frightening for a lot of people. That is perfectly fine. But if it is something you really want to pursue, let that fear be okay. When you come out on the other side of the ridge, you are going to realize that you identity is not based on another person. Your identity is based on you. You are the only one with whom you can rely on. You will feel that power, that clarity, and that liberation and release that comes form recognizing your own power.

It is really interesting, because in 3D type relationships (separation), you have the illusion of separation, but yet you create things that remind you that you are still all connected. For instance, humans use enmeshment in 3D to remind yourself you are still connected. However, the way you’ve interpreted the idea of connectedness has come out in a way that is detrimental to you rather than supportive. Enmeshment is the 3D version of connectedness in 4D. It really is a matter of the way you look at it.

When you feel enmeshed with another person in your life and it hurts, stop for a minute. Take some deep breaths. Remind yourself that the enmeshment is there to remind you that you are never separate from the other person ultimately. Separation is an illusion. No matter how far away you go, you are not separate from the person. If you can begin to emotionally heal the fear that you will no longer be with a person, you are going to start to feel the sense of connectedness that will then replace the 3D enmeshment idea. You will no longer need to create fear through enmeshment. You will thus create connectedness through your expressions in all of your relationships.

Many of the dysfunctional symptoms in 3D are your way of reminding yourself of some of the qualities of 4D relationships. But they are translated through the veil of separation. So they come out a little askew. However, they are there as reminders and tools. They are there to help you ease the pain in your interactions with others.

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